This one comes to you from the toilet cubicle at the beach cafe.
I’ve been up all night. We had another hospital visit at 2am this morning. Josh came at 8 to give me a breather, so I brought the kids to the beach for some peace.
What I found was more chaos.
Maybe that’s all there is when kids are involved.
My body feels full. So many emotions bubbling up and spilling out. Some I can’t even name. And somehow, I feel empty.
I set the kids up with their juices, cups of tea, bubbles and balls before attempting my own coffee. It’s cold but I don’t care. It’s mine.
Surely it’s my turn now. Just for a moment.
As I sip it, tears roll down my cheeks and fall into the cup. All I can hear is the bang, bang, bang of the soccer ball against the bench beside me.
Juice spills, bubbles splash onto my face. A frisbee knocks my coffee from my shaky hands and it lands in my lap.
My phone dings. I’m reminded of my deadline, as if i’d forgotten.
”Do you remember what time the last dose of pain relief was given?”
I do remember.
And it’s time to go.
”You good, Mum?”
My daughter watches me.
Despite the tears in my eyes, I try to smile for her.
”Yep, just going to the toilet”
